A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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