So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
