Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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