did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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