glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
