You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
