Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
