I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
