hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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