Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
