and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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