Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
