also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
