You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
