Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
