you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
