i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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