oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
