You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
