I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
