If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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