We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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