I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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