When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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