I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
