if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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