I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the liver wants what the liver wants
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
