If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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