put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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