It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
