yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
