If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
