Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I AM VODKA MAN
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
