Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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