they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
