made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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