If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
