Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
