you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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