you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
