uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
