just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
