Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
