dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
