Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
