Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
