Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
