he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
