After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
