My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
