Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
