i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
